A Fear of Inferiority
by Aentiaa
Summary: Everyone knows how Romano feels and all about his inferiority complex. However, how does Italy feel about it? 'Please, heart, don't make me hate him."


**A Fear of Inferiority **

**Author's Note:** Hey everyone! Don't you just hate it when you have heaps of fanfictions to update but you end up getting a new idea and writing that instead? That's what this is. I'm not sure if this idea has been written before so I'm sorry if it has! I'm also sorry if I made Italy too OOC. I hope you enjoy!

**Warnings:** Self-Harm

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_I hate it. _

Italy Veneziano had no idea how many times he had typed and backspaced those three words by now. It seemed so cruel to be doing this, so wrong. Family members shouldn't do these sorts of things about other family member. Heck, people shouldn't do it about any other person! He needed to let it out though; he couldn't keep his feeling bottled up anymore. He let out a deep breath and attempted to write down his feelings once more.

_I hate it._

_I hate that I hate it. I don't hate my brother; I love him more than anything! It's just, I can't stand it. The way Romano feels about himself and about everyone else, it's so wrong! He's Italy too, but yet, he acts like we're completely separate countries. Like he lives on the other side of the world to me._

_Sometimes, I feel afraid to be proud of things I do. When I do something good people praise me and say what a good job I've done. But Romano, even though he may congratulate me, his smile is so bittersweet. After he tells me this, when he thinks I'm not looking, he scowls or pouts with his arms crossed over his chest as I get attention. I hate how I hate this, I hate it._

_One day, France, Prussia and Spain came over for a visit. Everything was going fine until after dinner, when we were all hanging around the sitting room. France began to say how cute I was and of course I was happy! Spain and Prussia joined in too and in the midst of this I turned and looked at Romano. He was biting his lip and glaring at us, his fists in balls either side of him. He turned and left the room without saying a word._

_He doesn't anymore, but he used to hurt himself. I thought it was strange how long he would take in the bathroom and one day, my curiosity got the best of me. I knocked on the door and called his name. No response. I knocked louder this time and tried once more. Still nothing. In a panic, I opened the door and saw him sitting on the cold bathroom tiles, his eyes blank, his body limp, his wrists covered in blood. When I eventually managed to snap him out of his trance he gave me a wicked grin and muttered,_

"_The world only needs one Italy, Veneziano."_

_After that day, I managed to make him stop but who knows if he really still does when I'm out of the house. I hate that I hate this. I shouldn't hate this. I should feel sorry for me brother, right? I should be sad that he hurt himself. I shouldn't hate him for it! I shouldn't hate him for hating himself! I shouldn't hate him for being this way! I'm a terrible brother, a monster! I shouldn't hate those who need to be loved! _

Italy stopped typing and tried to slow his now erratic breath. He stared at the words before him on the screen, reading them over and over again. It was funny how only mere memories could bring someone to the verge of hyperventilation. He considered stopping and closing the document but somehow, he felt this was helping him. So, without anything to lose, he continued to write.

_I'm afraid of being successful in case it leads to his death. I know nations can't die but I can't help but think this way. I'm afraid that if I shine the light of his life will dim. I'm afraid that his jealousy will lead to something far worse._

_I hate his jealously. I hate how I'm afraid to do well. Sometimes, I don't show my artwork to others or sing around him just so he won't get mad. I hate his anger, I hate it. I hate his sadness, I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. _

_Most of all though…_

_I'm afraid. _

_Germany would probably get mad at me for being scared, wouldn't he? I don't think this is the type of scared though you can fix by getting Germany to help you or by surrendering. I think this type of scared is one that's in your heart. I want to get rid of this hatred for my brother's attitude but I can't. I've tried reasoning with myself but the thoughts keep coming back. I'm scared that one day I may end up hating my brother for this. I don't want to hate him. Please, heart, don't make me hate him .I love him too much to hate him. I don't wanna. He's too precious to me, please?_

_I hate that I hate this. _


End file.
